Instead of forcing people to like you, be a powerful force of attraction for authentic energy by simply being yourself. If they align with your energy, you win. If they don’t, you also win.Vex King
When you change your personality and abandon your needs to satisfy the needs of others you’re trying to earn your self-worth. This comes from the false belief that in order to be loved, you need to work hard, give something up, or hide your true self. If you’re wondering how to be more attractive, start by asking yourself the following questions:
Do you seek external validation?
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you stay too long in unhealthy relationships?
Do you experience anxiety when someone ignores you, unfollows you, or outright doesn’t like you?
What makes you feel confident?
Imagine yourself as a machine with a cord that needs to be plugged into an energy source.
When we plug our cord into the perception of others, we’re fuelled by external validation and approval. The problem with external validation is that it’s fleeting. If external validation is our main power source, we feel our confidence flicker as compliments, attention, and recognition dwindles.
This starts the “ego dance”. The ego dance is a person’s relentless efforts to restore a sense of well-being through outside sources.
The ego dance looks a little different each time. Some people do this by improving their performance, winning more awards, or earning higher titles. This gives them a boost of self-worth that can be measured as success.
People do this through manipulation. Manipulation can be blatant or subtle. People pleasing is a subtle form of manipulation because it’s an attempt to change a person’s behaviour or perception through indirect tactics. This temporarily recharges their self-worth through feeling appreciated or needed.
Many people take the commercial route. They will buy more stuff, wear more labels, book hair appointments, or follow the latest trends to feel worthy, accepted, and good enough. This can be temporarily fulfilling in a society that tells you to be beautiful, youthful, rich, or stylish.
There is nothing wrong with achieving success or wanting to look and feel your best. It’s problematic if you feel your self-worth is dependent on these external things.
Validation and approval is a weak source of power. When plugged into an outside source, our light flickers and our energy is being constantly depleted from jumping through hoops to manage everyone’s perceptions of us.
Do you crave the approval of others?
When we plug into outside sources of self-worth we are also dodging negative feedback, insults, and bad reviews to protect our fragile self-image. The more reliant you are on the approval of others, the more damaged you are by their disapproval.
Fearing disapproval manifests in many ways. You may ask for the opinions of other and value outside advice over your own. You subconsciously believe that other people can make better decisions for you about your life than you can.
In today’s world, seeking approval can actually be measured. People can tally up likes, see who watched their Instagram story, who commented, how many people followed, etc. Allowing likes to influence the type of content you post on social media is an example of valuing the opinions of others over your own desires.
Fear of disapproval also presents itself as staying stuck. If you’re deeply afraid of being ridiculed, judged, or rejected, you’re less likely to take chances and put yourself out there. People owned by the approval of others are less likely to start creative projects, try new things, or take risks in their life.
Don’t become a watered down version of yourself due to the fear of rejection. When you’re on your death bed you will remember what you did, not what everyone else thought about it.
How to be more attractive instantly.
So what do we do about our dysfunctional habits? How do we stop being ruled by the thoughts and opinions of others?
There is an alternate energy source that you have been sitting on that is more powerful than all the others. This energy force is abundant, available, and free. You can recharge simply by sitting or standing still. This energy source is the power of high-self worth and authenticity that comes from within.
Plugging into your authentic energy is not an act of doing, getting or achieving, it’s actually accomplished through letting go.
You must let go of the need for approval, validation, acceptance and love from outside sources. This can be done moment to moment.
First, you need to figure out what you actually want. An exercise to figure out what you want is to stop asking for outside opinions on every small decision, like the clothes you wear, the people you date, or the photos you post.
The things you like and want are valid. Making small decisions without asking for approval signals to your Self that you can trust yourself.
Start small. Answer the question “where do you want to eat?” with a definitive answer instead of an “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?”.
Next, invest less attention into the unwarranted advice and comments projected by others. When you realize how often other people’s opinions of you are actually a projection of the way they think and feel about themselves, you wouldn’t give them so much power.
The final step is to connect with the higher Self. Taking time to consult with your Self can be accomplished through meditating, free-form journalling, going on solo walks, or taking any intentional time alone without being on your phone or watching TV.
Journal prompts and exercises to be more attractive.
Use intentional alone time to check in with yourself. Ask the following simple but rarely explored questions:
How are you feeling right now?
What do you need from this situation/person/job/day?
What is something you’re not doing that would greatly benefit you?
What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself that are holding you back?
Where in your life do you rely on others to validate you?
How can you better fulfill your needs today?
Many of the external things that we seek from others can be fulfilled in simple ways. Are you seeking validation? Make a list of all the things you accomplished in your life that you’re proud of. Are you seeking comfort? Take a day off, make a tea, and watch your favourite series wrapped in a blanket. Are you seeking attention? Be attentive to your Self and stop ignoring your own emotions and needs.
There are many gifts that come from being your authentic Self. As Vex King pointed out, you become a powerful force of attraction. The opportunities that align with your energy will not pass you by.
How attractive people behave.
High-self worth is like a force of nature. People want to be around energy-givers, not energy-vampires. People who need validation and approval from others emit a depleting energy. Other people, even strangers, can sense that these individuals want something from you, even if it’s just an approving compliment.
People who are plugged into their own worth don’t want or need anything from others. These individuals are attractive because they have nothing to ask for and everything to give. They are simply busy being themselves, doing what they love, and radiating self-assuredness.
The secure person might not be the loudest person in the room. In fact, these people often portray a quiet confidence. There is nothing to prove. They don’t feel the need to boast about their accomplishments, how much money they make, or what makes them interesting and worthy of your time and affection.
Quiet confidence is attractive because it’s refreshing. Truly confident people communicate through their presence and their actions.
This applies in a job interview, on a date, in line at the grocery store, on social media, or in a group of friends. Whatever the context, being your Self without being plugged into outside energy sources is one of the simplest ways to instantly become attractive.
Why is it the most simple way? Being attractive is simple because you get to drop all the trying. The endless trying to be cool or trying to prove your worth. You don’t become complacent, quite the opposite. You have more energy to pursue your passions and do what you love and be the person you are meant to be because you’re not draining so much energy on the hamster wheel.
You can be more attractive in an instant by changing your mindset and deciding that you don’t need anyone to like you in order for you to like yourself.